I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
“Why am I doing this to myself?”
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
I can’t recall when it started, but it’s been a while, and it’s hard. I became aware of it recently. It’s like it was happening gradually but I didn’t notice. And then, someday I just realized I am not myself, and I don’t know the way to go back.
Brushing my hair—do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mould!
The more I try the less it’s working
‘Cause everything inside me screams
The more the days pass, the more aware I become that I do not fit in now in my surrounding. I don’t enjoy what I do, or the company of whom I spent most of my time with. My friends got drifted in several ways. My love is facing a critical time. I get anxiety attacks in my workplace every now and then. It’s a mess, right? But I would not complain if I had a clue of how I can help myself. I still try though. I have pulled myself together enough times to realize that it’s not impossible to do it again.
Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It’s okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart.
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
Today was refreshing. The long walk, the climb, the heat, even the sunstroke… all this helped me release waves of bad energy (if I can call it so). Very big waves of it are still inside me, yet by just releasing few, it cleared my head enough to start having an idea of what I might like to do next with my life.
Tomorrow is another day, and may be tomorrow I’ll get closer to finding the old me, the one I love, the one that is passionate, caring, vulnerable, stubborn, and courageous. The one that takes risks, and is way more eager to learn and explore than the current version.